Co-Sleep … not on your Nelly !

This will cause a few different opinions, and each to their own.

We made this choice before Matej was born, and it’s probably the one thing (along with Dummies, Formula Milk, … actually, quite a few things) I will not deviate from. Matej will not ever sleep in our bed !

Now, having got addicted to Twitter over the last couple of months, advice has been flowing from many people. My main friends list are all Mum’s, and their advice has been VERY helpful over the last 14 days. After all, our ideas are just that, Ideas, the Mum’s and Dad’s of Twitter are exactly that… Mum’s and Dad’s … I got a little touchy over this round of advice, as it was suggested that ‘I’ made this decisions as ‘I’ didn’t have to get up to feed. People that know me soon realise exactly how my relationship with Mrs M goes. I say exactly what I want, when I want, I make all the decisions and that’s final …. until Mrs M says so ! Seriously, does anyone really think that the Father alone makes this kind of decision ?

So, to co-sleep or not. We are in the thought process that Matej will be very happy sleeping in his own bed. From Day 1 he has slept in there and he will continue to do so. We don’t think he should get used to being in our bed (please note, this is for overnight sleeping, not cuddles and creeping in to see us later in life).  Now, the reasons for this are quite a few. I know one couple that has a huge issue trying to get an older child to sleep in his own bed. I certainly do not want that. The main reason we don’t want him there is because we feel we have pretty much lost all of us to him. That’s fine, that’s exactly what being a parent is all about, and we are cool, about that. However, the one place where we are still a couple, still husband and wife, still lovers is our bed. I am not talking sex here, however, later on that will be an issue, but more that we have us, together. We can hug, talk, watch our TV. We can continue to have our time to keep our relationship on course.

I wonder how many Husbands, or couples (if they were allowed to be 100% honest) would agree with me that the closeness, the sex, the part of being lovers has been lost because there is a little one in your bed, more than likely, between you ? Now, you may well say I am being selfish, or we are being selfish.. Maybe, and that’s your opinion, but having both been through a divorce, we are both devoted to our Son, but also devoted to each other and making sure this relationship works, which means spending time with our Son, but also making sure we have 5 mins to make sure we are as close as ever. We spend every second thinking, worrying, working to make sure our Boy is happy, fed, warm and dry, see our relationship can easily be forgotten.

So what about the husband and wife part ? when do you get chance to fall asleep holding your lover ? to wake and roll over to see them feel them, be with them… this is so important to relationships when the rest of the day is taken up by a little one.

Just my thoughts… no-one is right or wrong here, but for one second, don’t think this was my decision because I am a man, we make all these decisions together