Posted by: Moon | August 13, 2010

39 and a little bit…..

I’m 39. Hard to believe I know, but I am. This month I will achieve the aim of all mankind.. I will become a Father,

We have had Mrs M’s two Cousins over to stay for a few days. V is 16, a great lad, independent, good fun and a delight to have around the place.  This is his younger brother.. Filip

He is adorable, a really lovely lad that tries to talk with me, teaches me Slovak, and generally does everything a little boy can do. His stay did get us thinking about how we will parent. Luckily, we seem to have the same ideas on what approach we want to take. Now, please bear in kind, these are our thoughts and plans. We are very aware that it does not often work out that way, but you must have plans ….

In Slovakia, it is very un-natural, in fact, we have been scorned for our idea, that the little one will NOT be sleeping in our room, and certainly not our bed. I am determined about that. He will have his own cot in his room from day 1. We are very keen to have routines. Again I mention our friends who are living their lives 5 months ahead of us, and we both want to follow the same routines. They have gone before us and proves life is so much easier when you can establish this.

We will also be a different kind of family, as I plan that I will be Daddy Day Care. Mrs M will return to work after 6 months, and I will be at home doing the parenting part. We wonder how that will affect him, and how it will change the dynamics of the relationships between the socially standard set up ? In Slovakia, many girls leave work after being pregnant for 3 months, not to return for up to 3 years !

We were talking about foods and eating habits as he gets older. I feel that children do not like all foods (same as we don’t).. so I will not make him eat all, but he will get a decent choice of all foods as he grows. I feel that we will know when he is making a fuss, or when he genuinely doesn’t like something. Also, I am very keen to make sure we have meal times. When we all sit together, we all remain seated until we have finished, and we have family time then. I am a TV addict. It is always on. I am internet addict… it is always on (there, I said it.. I am an addict) but I will have to change. I want my Son to be outside with me. Help me when he can, or to be out climbing trees, falling out of them, kicking a ball about, falling off his bike… not to be inside and square eye’d.

I also want him to be able to go out in the village on his own (now, that might wait until he turns at least 2!).. but seriously, I don’t want to over ‘mother’ him ….

You Mum’s and Dad’s out there will scoff….

I also wonder, at 39, how my approach will be compared to a first time parent say at 20/25. I have seen quite a bit of the world, I have experienced quite a few emotions. I have been through some awful deaths, some wonderful highs of my life. Mrs M is a very sensible, grounded girl.. so how will I differ. Will I be more cautious as I know what is out there.. ?.. or will I be more encouraging to go and see what this wonderful place will offer ? Is being naive to the dangers and horrors of the world a good thing.. or the knowledge that life is not all bad, and there are some incredible people and places out there ?

I can see him being interested in nature, have a love of travel, a love of animals (after all, my Brother and sister-in-law have horses, his Cousin here is a vet, and of course Dr DBM in Canada). I really can’t imagine he won’t have a travel bug.. what an opportunity he has to see so much of the world, from friends and family all over the globe.  I want to be strict with him always being polite, knowing that he isn’t the center of life, but a wonderful part of it. He won’t just barge into conversations, but at the right point, we will find time for him to shine …

Maybe he will just hate me !

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Responses

  1. Trying to think now – it’s a bloody long time ago since we had babies! I think initially we had them in our room, but in the cot – this was just to make nightfeeding easier. Can’t honestly remember though.

    The unique thing about having a new baby is that suddenly everyone feels that they can give you the benefit of their advice! Pick and choose, but ultimately, do what feels best for you and your little family.

    As for parenting? Everyone is different – I think it depends on how you were brought up. You’ll be kind and patient, as you are with my two, and I’m sure your advancing age *cough* will mean that you’ll appreciate that tiny life all the more. I had my first at 25 and wonder now whether I was too young. x

    • I don’t think were too young, you’ve done a reasonable job so far…
      I also think you obviously learn from your parents, and our family unit, which was always very close growing up….. and I think you are right, I certainly appreciate my life, and what this little one will mean to me .. and to us.. but not everybody… he will; be our incredible special one, but we must remember, he isn’t everyone’s special one

  2. We had M in our room because yep, easier to do the night feeds. Having said that, there were nights when one of us would go sleep in the spare room! We took turns at it until M settled and was big enough to go through the night.

    Honestly, I think most of us are making it up as we go along 🙂 The best advice anyone gave us was: 1. Trust your instincts – you are most likely right, and 2. They change every six weeks. That was very helpful to us when we were bleary-eyed and wondering if M would ever settle. And, bang on cue, she did. Chanting ‘just get to 6 weeks’ became something of a mantra at 3am!

    Don’t know if that’s helpful – as EM says, it’s a matter of finding your own way. Best of luck in the weeks ahead 🙂

    • We just have a real problem with people here that tell us that their little one sleeps in the bed with them … I really want to make sure they have their own bed, and we still our time together in our bed … we will see !

      Instincts .. oh crap !

  3. Being kidless myself, I still agree with EM. You no doubt will get plenty of advice, but it’s all up to you and Mrs. M.
    Best of luck.

    • We listen to all, and we’ll take the ones we think are good ideas, and polity ignore the rest ..

  4. I think having the baby in your room for the first few weeks is a great idea but not in your bed. Feeds are 4 hours apart at best and its a pain in the arse having to get up in the middle of the night. As for routine, I was a total stickler for it and it worked well for me but don’t be surprised if nurture doesn’t produce a travelling animal lover, some kids are just different to their parents entirely. Whatever, it’s an adventure that goes on for ever, one of the best things I ever did was to parent and parent well. Just ask my kids!

    • Your kids will not tell me the truth !!

      We will see… the babies room is next door, we are really going to try to keep him there

  5. Great post Moon. I think you and Mrs M will be great parents.

    The bit in your post about food and eating habits makes me think of my nieces…some days they eat something another day they won’t. My Mum said that kids need to try something at least 6 times before they really know if they dislike something as their taste buds are still developing. She always gave us a teaspoon of everything on our plate to try as kids and I know I didn’t grow up so fussy…I can’t speak for my sister though 😉

    • I agree about the food thing Taffy…. so many children make a g=huge fuss just for attention, or they don’t like it because they are told they won’t ..

      We’ll see huh !


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