Posted by: Moon | March 20, 2009

Still in Shock …..

So, two days have passed, and I am still in gut wrenching shock.

 

Thank you for kind words, but more the objective views. I appreciate the honesty of people, rather than people pandering to sympathy because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do for another friend.

I have had time to think a little more (god that’s all I do, wish I could switch off about it), and a friend via facebook said something I thought rang very true. Hesaid that I am feeling so bad because I am imagining how I would feel if I suddenly had to go to prison, and that I would be so distraught, and suicidal leaving behind the things I love. I didn’t do anything, I did not make those decisions, but I am punishing myself as if I did …. wise words.

I have written letters to the Judge, and I will appear on Jeff’s behalf if they require a character witness. In honesty, I can say the things I want, and I know all the things I will say will be true. I have also written to Jeff, saying bluntly that you are an idiot, and you deserve a punishment, but that it’s not the end, and whilst you are in prison, or taking that time to cope with your guilt, your friends do not go away, and your friends are making sure you have everything for you when you have paid your price. He has done wrong, but I do feel this is not like a crime of hitting someone, theft, bulling, fraud, pre-motivated crimes of a bad person, but a sad lack of judgement.

I have driven drunk, and think most of us have, I have used my phone, not concentrated…. maybe I just got lucky I wasn’t stopped, or caused an accident. I have raced away from lights when I had my fast bmw… just got lucky I didn’t cause the same problems Jeff has done. He will pay, and he deserves to pay, but as a friend, I won’t desert him.

His sister needs some support as well. She has been effected by this, and will pay the sentence with him, so when Max needs walking, or Jeff’s house needs someone to walk through it to keep the lights on, the yard needs mowing, I and Mrs M will be there to do that. I will be in court next Friday morning so he can see his friends are there.

I hope the judge takes this consideration into his thinking. Jeff did not kill anyone, Jeff did not make the man in the Ferrari speed at over 100mph and crash, he was just as guilty as Jeff, and sadly paid for his crime with his life. That is not Jeff’s fault, he is to blame, but the other driver is just as guilty.

So, the sickness in my stomach remains, I drive past Jeff’s house evy  morning and every night, so sad about my friend…. I can’t change time, I can say what if’s, I can only look forward, and do all I can, it’s the least a friend can do………..

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Responses

  1. Poor Moon, I can imagine just how you’re feeling – wanting to help but not knowing how…

    As I said on your last post, we’ve all been there to a greater or lesser degree. I hope he’s got the strength to get through this, as he’s your friend. I know you’ll do the right thing by him.

  2. Friends like you are one in a million.

  3. Yep, that’s all you can do.

    I think you also need to acknowledge that you are a grieving situation. Perhaps a little for the guy who died, but mostly for the ‘death’ of the man you knew as a friend. You now have to look at him with new eyes. He will forever be different to you, and maybe you will also change as a result.

    You need time to reassess.

  4. Moon without knowing the full circumstances, I find it hard to understand why he’s been charged with manslaughter. DUI I can understand but unless the two cars collided, I can’t see how it was ‘manslaughter’. Perhaps he’ll be lucky and face a downgraded sentence. Being a first offence and having you as a character witness could make all the difference.

  5. Jay : You know, I think thats the hardest thing, I don’t view him any different, and maybe thats the tough thing … if I thought less of him, then it might be easier, but I don’t…. I just see it as a mistake that many people make …

    Sandra : Thank you, but I think we would all do the same thing

    Baino : The answer is yes, the cars did collide, so therefore it becomes Vechicular Manslaughter… sentences vary, so we will find out on Friday what the charge is, and when the true hearing is set…. and if he will get bail……. fingers crossed, but I think and I am preparing that he won’t get bail….

    EM : Nail on the head …

  6. Chin up sweet pea. Be the friend you are . .there’s little more you can do. I wish I had a friend like you to be honest.

  7. Baino : You do !

  8. When I was 19, I stupidly drove home from the west side of Manhattan, through the West Side Highway, which was heavily under construction at the time, making it home and going to my apartment in the Bronx. I had just come from a party where I had gotten stoned out of my brain, on what, to this day can’t remember. I woke up the next morning in my bed, in a panic, as I realized I couldn’t remember what happened.

    I thought for sure I was going to see blood stains on my bumper, or at least a large dent, but it was clean as a whistle. You can be sure that was the last time I ever did that.

    You’re doing what you can for Jeff. The rest is up to the judge, and Jeff.

  9. Come in late here, but what a nice chap you are, to feel this as strongly as you do. I guess you feel ‘There but for the grace…’
    It’s hard to feel helpless. Just do what you can.

  10. Mr Nightime ” Welcome, it just goes to show that we all do stupid things at very stupid times…. no excuses, and it’s awful looking back what we have done …..we wait and pray for him

    Katherine : We feel very helpless, but it’s not about us, it’s about the support we can give …

  11. Moon, Unfortunately, not everyone would. That’s how things get sorted out. It’s at these times, particularly when we HAVE made mistakes, that we find out who our true compassionate friends are. I’ll bet you anything that your friend will never hear again from a lot of people who called themselves friends. I admire you for standing by someone who has disappointed, it’s difficult because of all the conflicting emotions. Much easier to support a friend who has been a victim than one who has messed up, I think.


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