Posted by: Moon | March 18, 2009

A true ramble…..

I need someone to talk to, but Mrs M is away, and no-one I know is awake.

 

I feel a gut wrenching sickness in my stomach, and I have been in tears. I had some terrible news tonight, and I don’t know what to feel, or how to cope with it.

Our great friend and neighbour Jeff, Max’s dad, has made a terrible mistake, and his is going to pay for the rest of his life. He was out, last Thursday night, and his mistake was to drive home at 1am with too many drinks in his system. He was on a lonely road, and driving his white Porsche. Along side was a red Ferrari, and as people do when they have a drink, they make daft decisions. They raced, the Ferrari crashed, killed the driver, and Jeff has been arrested for Manslaughter. He will no doubt be given a prison sentence for 2 years at least.

Now, until I knew who the other driver was, I would have said the idiot deserves to be locked away for a long time. After finding out tonight from his sister, I don’t know what to feel. Jeff has been nothing but wonderful to us, the only true friend we have made since we have been here. So friendly, trustworthy and wonderful friend. Now, we probably will never see him again. He will be inside a prison cell, so distraught, his best friend Max not with him, and I feel sick to my stomach thinking about all of this. He deserves to be punished, he has made a stupid, horrible mistake… and if I didn’t know him, I would say Good, throw away the key… but I can’t think that… this is my friend, my great friend……..

I am back in tears thinking about the life he has thrown away… I need someone to talk to, someone to rationalise his actions… someone to tell me that tomorrow night, he will be out walking Max, and talking to us on the lawn.

The man is guilty, he is an idiot, he deserves to be punished, so why do I feel like I do……

You STUPID STUPID man, but I will support you in anyway I can.

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Responses

  1. Oh Moon. you’re so right about making stupid decisions. Whatever made him drive home? He’ll suffer for the rest of his life whether he’s convicted or not . . .One of Adam’s friends killed a pedestiran, it wasn’t his fault but the kid is scarred . .this is when I wish blogpals could be closer . . .

  2. Baino : I do not, I have been going over it in my head all night, just why… he is such a good man, so good to us, a real friend, now this has happened. I am not excusing him, but why …. I still can’t believe it …. Yes, I am the type who needs to talk, and Mrs M not here makes it tough.

  3. So terribly sorry my friend, I know how much your friendship with Jeff means to you. Such a waste when someone makes a mistake, such a tragedy when that mistake hurts others.

    As is often the case in situations like this, there likely will be no answer as to the “why?”, just a lot of speculation and recrimination. Your friend will naturally be feeling guilty, and scared, and probably confused. This will be reinforced by the legal process, and likely by many of his friends and acquaintances who do not, or refuse to understand. I suspect what he really needs now is someone to stand by him in this, someone who can help him through the emotional turmoil, someone to help him keep things in perspective. Friends are there to lend support, not pass judgement.

    I am not preaching here my friend, simply writing down my thoughts, trying to guess what I might look for from my friends if I make a mistake like this. I know how important friends are, and I know you will miss Jeff, but he is going to miss a lot more than any of us can imagine. I suspect he needs the support of his friends more than ever now.

    What is happening to Max?

    If there is anything I can do, you need only ask.

  4. It’s hard to write, but I’ll do it anyway. Moon, my heart goes out to you, Jeff, and the family of the other driver. This serves as such a vivid example of why we need to look within and reflect on our own behaviours. Whether it has to do with drinking or other things, how one bad decision can ruin your and someone else’s life.
    I know you will stand by your friend during this extremely difficult process, despite your feelings of anger and confusion, because it’s obvious that you’re a true friend to Jeff.
    They were both at fault, and both have paid a dear price. What has happened cannot be changed. Let us learn.
    Let me not drink and drive.
    Let me not drive at excessive speeds.
    Let me not show off behind the wheel.
    Let me stand by my friends and support them, especially during difficult times. That is the test of true friendship.
    My own ramble.

  5. You are correct in all you say Cortes…. Max is with his sister who is dealing with all of this… I just want to offer the support a friend can, without be blind to what he has done. If he wasn’t a friend I would be saying he deserves everything he gets, and he does. Both were speeding, racing, one paid for it with his life, and Jeff will now get the blame for all of that.

    I have offered to visit, but I don’t think he wants that right now….
    But I will do all that a friend can do

  6. I never doubted that for a minute.

  7. Carole… you are right in all you say, I just get my head around the fact this is my friend …..

  8. Oh, gosh, Moon … I can almost feel that adrenaline rushing round your system making you feel shaky and tearful. I know the feeling of helplessness, too.

    What a terrible thing to happen. No point in saying ‘he shouldn’t have driven while drunk’, nor ‘what were they thinking to race on a public road like that in the dark?’ What is done is done, sadly.

    Your friend will pay, and pay. He’ll pay with a prison sentence, most likely, but the biggest punishment will be what his own conscience will do to him.

    Just remember we ALL make stupid decisions at some point, and your friend Jeff couldn’t have raced all by himself. He is not alone in his stupidity or his guilt, but sadly, the other guy is dead. It’s easy to be black and white about strangers, but when it’s someone we know to be basically a good person, it makes everything turn grey.

    All you can do is support him without condoning what he did. I’m glad Max is going to someone he knows and loves.

    Hugs to you.

  9. The way you are so deeply affected by the actions of your friend, especially taking into consideration that sad and pointless loss of life, shows what a true friend you are. Time doesn’t make these things any better, but it does make the pain, hurt a little less.

  10. Sometimes things happen that shake our very being – you are there at the moment my friend and all you can do is support your friend, for he is still your friend and this senseless accident must not get in the way of that.
    The why’s and wherefore’s are not yours but your friend’s and he must learn to live with them – with the love and support of his friends and family one day he will learn to laugh again..
    Peace and love
    Kate

  11. Oh Moon, that’s so awful. All I can say is that there but for the grace of God goes every one of us. The amount of people I talk to who’ve done stupid things and got away with it is incredible – for most people they become fascinating dinner party anecdotes, but sadly not for your friend this time.

    All I can say is that he’s lucky he’s got you and M as friends. The poor thing must be feeling terrible x

  12. First time post Moon, came by your blog by way of Jay of The Depp Effect.

    Friendship is something that can be tested on many an occasion. This appears to be one of those times. Personally, and this is just my take, it’s okay to be vehemently angry at Jeff for showing such stupidity. You have the right to be so angry, as he let down others as well as the horrific act that cost another person their life. That is Jeff’s burden to carry for the rest of his days, not yours.

    On the other side of the coin, standing by your friend I think, is the right thing to do. I don’t think that being supportive and yet not condoning what he did are mutually exclusive. This is what friends do for each other, support, but yet also point out when their friend has screwed up.

    As a former NYC paramedic, I have seen this scenario repeated a thousand times over. I also have experienced friends making incredibly bad decisions, some with very bad consequences. Some are still friends, some aren’t. Your decision will hinge on whether or not you feel Jeff’s friendship is worth maintaining despite what has happened.


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