Posted by: Moon | August 1, 2008

Lost ……

So, one of the things that annoys the shite out of me, and drives Mrs M to despair is the following conversation we have almost everyday


Me ” Have you seen my keys/phone/watch/wallet/will to live ???”

Mrs M “You are kidding me right ?”

Me ” No, I put them here, have you moved them ?”

Mrs M “oh yes, I have time to play with your mental state of mind, idiot!”


and so it goes on, I seem to have zero ability to put something down as I walk through the door, so it is still in that same place as I walk out of the door …and where I put things down changes. One day, on the side, in the basket, by the fridge, edge of the sofa, under the bed …. 

Another example … My Passport. Now, it’s kinda important to me, I fly alot, different countries, and more importantly, it has my Visa for the USA inside. Again, you would have thought that something as important as that, I would either keep it very secure, or better still, give it to Mrs M to look after. But, I’m 37, so I think I should really be old enough and certainly ugly enough to be responsible to look after it. After all, I can vote, have sex with a man, own a gun, drink, and have children… all pretty responsible things. So, guess what happens last month when I have to fly to Maine to head office ? Yup… lost the damn thing . Now, some of you will be saying, “Moon, you don’t need your passport to fly inside the USA”, of course you are correct, but as it has my visa inside, I always take it when I travel. (the American Immigration Service need no excuse to politely tell you “Go Home!). So, now the panic sets in, and I start to look. why, when you look for something, you keep returning to where you “100% definitely put it last”, then you look in the most daft places, because of course I would have put it in the shed/fridge/microwave/golf bag ! 

So, picture the scene, Mrs M (Monica from friends don’t forget) is looking at the house after the local LAPD have ransacked the place, me, embarrassed (so therefore angry to mask the embarrassment) sitting on the sofa, about to call the embassy … not a happy place to be. so, I get a brainwave …….. I last had it when I was wearing that brown jacket .. cool …. where is the jacket ???


Off I trot, in the car to the dry cleaner, bundle in, asking where the jacket is.

Dry Cleaning Lady ” I’m very sorry Sir, it’s not ready yet”

Me “that’s cool, I just wanted to know if there was anything in the pockets”

DCL : Oh, I’ll go check for you” …. “No, sorry, the pockets are empty”

Me, Heart sinking “I’ll just check too” … nope nothing …

FUCK !!!!

DCL  “Oh, we did find your passport in the pocket though, do you want it ?”


You are kidding me right ?, you didn’t think that ‘might’ be what I came rushing in for !!!!!.. AAAGGGGHHHHH !!!!, However, I was very relieved to have it back in my hand, and now in Mrs M’s hand.. I am NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT ANYMORE !!, do you understand Moon, NEVER EVER again !!!!!


So, bearing in mind that I have travelled all over the world, never lost anything, always book connections/hotels/trips etc perfectly .. why and how can I lose things in 979 Arbor Street ???


So I wonder what I can lose next ?, I know it will happen, it’s always been part of me …Is it a problem that I can solve, change that part of me, I don’t think so, but I feel for Mrs M, she must get soooo mad with me …..


What have you ever lost ?


Where did you last put it etc …



  1. Haha . . my son is exactly the same we call it having a ‘boy look’ You know when you can’t find your keys, matching sox etc then I walk straight to the place where they are and recover them? Plus he comes back at least twice every time he leaves the house because he’s forgotten something crucial . .car keys . . work sheets . . .shoes! I lost some tickets to Cirque du Soliel . . they happily replaced them but I turned the house upside down and have NEVER found them.

  2. You do realise that we now all know where you live, don’t you? You’d better not upset anyone now…………..Alternatively, get ready for a flood of visitors………….
    Mr. DBM has the habit of putting down his glasses and then not remembering where he put them. Then he can’t find them because he can’t see very well.
    Me, I never do that, since I can’t go anywhere without my glasses. I suspect that I would notice if I didn’t have them on.

  3. PS, you seem to have lost your mind and posted this post twice.

  4. I know what I have never lost.. almost. My patient. I know you are the most ‘salamists’ ever regarding doing things and find one place for all of them and actually use them. But still, it is part of you and without your constant ‘loosing always something’ it woudn’t be Moon.

    PS: I never call you an idiot.

  5. Biano : I call it a ‘blokes look’ !…I think it is part of a man’s make up !

    DBM : Cured the double posting problem !, Visitors always welcome, as long as they don’t break ALL my glasses !, and I would love to see you stumbling around without your specs !

    Mrs M : I know I test your patience everyday …. and I am an idiot most times !

  6. What have I ever lost?

    How long have you got? ROFL!

    Seriously, I’m like you. I put things down, I can’t find them. We’ll often be standing at the door ready to go out and I’ll not be able to find something important (purse, keys, mobile phone, whatever) and I’ll go to where I thought I left it, and it’s Not There! There follows a frantic search, and sometimes I’ll find it and sometimes I won’t and will have to leave without it.

    Can you say ‘stress’? And yet, it continues to happen and I have no idea why.

    Just disorganised, I guess. 😉

  7. Well, thanks to your blog, it happened. As DBM likely knows, I am getting a bit dotty in my old age, and can sometimes forget things. But I have never lost my Blackberry – not until I read your blog, that is.

    This morning I was off on a shopping adventure, to the market gardens to purchase my fresh veggies and fruits, then to Canadian Tire for a new car battery, to the supermarket for the staples, then off to the liquor store to replenish my wines and rums.

    I noticed I did not have my phone when I was inside the supermarket. I always put my shopping list into the phone so I don’t lose it – the list that is – as I am always careful about the phone. It has all my names, business contacts, phone and email numbers, appointments (business, hair, dentist, psychiatrist, proctologist – you get the idea). Anyway, no phone. Must still be in the truck, I say to myself. No problem, I can remember what was on the list. Turned out to be a short shopping trip as I could not remember what I needed.

    Back to the truck. No phone. Panic! Maybe I dropped it when I got out of the truck? How is this possible? (you ask). Well, truth be known, I sometimes put the phone between my legs when I drive, as it is easier to reach if it rings. Trust me, this has nothing to do with the fact that the email alert is set to ‘vibrate’. Anyway, it has hit the pavement a couple of times when I got out of the truck. But I have always heard this.

    Anyway, I drop to my knees and check under my truck and the surrounding cars. Nothing! Back to Canadian Tire to request that they phone me so I can hear the damn thing ringing. Nothing.

    Back to the farm market, more telephoning, no ringing! Now I am truly concerned. Back home, get another cell phone, dial my number and listen in the truck. No ringing!

    Now I call the cell company and advise them that I have lost the damn phone, and please turn it off. I have another Blackberry at the office that they can turn on for me. Whew. Almost back to normal.

    Back to the supermarket for the balance of my shopping, as I was able to confirm what I needed when I went home. On the off chance that my memory was worse than I thought, I did check with the supermarket desk to see if anyone had turned in a phone.

    No, they said. But we do have a Blackberry!

    Now the phone travels in Ms. Cortes’ handbag.

  8. Cortes : Priceless …. Rookie move to lose the blackberry, and classic reply from the supermarket of not finding a phone but a blackberry !!!

    I also never thought the word Proctologist would find it’s way into my blog .. has to be the wrolds worst job, and why, once you have qualified, you would chose that career ??

    Next time cortes, Let Mrs C have anything that is required and needed, life moves much smoother that way….

    also, we need to discuss The Premiership !

  9. Mr. DBM always chuckles when we drive past the Fish and Chip shop called Proctors……..

    Cortes: I hope you didn’t forget all the barbeque supplies for Monday. In fact, I hope that you didn’t forget the fact that we are coming for a barbeque on Monday – and we also agreed on a bike ride beforehand, with the promise of a pub at the end for motivation.

  10. Moon – I will email you tomorrow on the Footie (as you call it).

    DBM: I have forgotton nothing! Once I find my backpack (for the life of me I cannot remember where I put it), I will pack a few beers for the bike trip. BBQ good to go.

  11. Moon: I thought the glass breaking thing was a Slovakian tradition. My mistake – a remedy is heading your way, as I type.

    Cortes: We do have some sizeable bags that fit onto our bikes. We will bring those along for the necessities of the trip.

  12. DBM : Clumsy clown syndrome !!!… what ?, plastic beakers IF IT IS A STELLA GLASS … Shove it up you ass !!!!
    Cortes : Where my invite, me and Mrs M could easily cycle up …….

  13. Barbecue? Did someone say barbecue?

  14. Based on the image of your little head bobbing in the water, I suggest you leave immediately if you want to get here in time for the bike tour. Would be fun to have you join us though.

    DBM – I have saddle bags too – hope to lose them as I continue with my exercise program!

  15. Well, that’s gratitude for you. As it happens, it is not a Stella glass – I gave that to Cortes, and he was very grateful, unlike you…………I wonder if I have time to cancel that order?
    I would also like to remind you that I was not responsible for any of the broken glasses.

    YCB: Come on down – the more the merrier – the Yukon is not that far from Vancouver, is it!?!

    Cortes: Chuckle………….what exercise program? And no, lifting beer glasses does not count.

  16. Hi Moon, It is my husband that is ALWAYS losing things, he drives me bananas ! my stock answer to have you seen? is normally “yeah, it’s hanging from my lips shouting Tarzan! – Rob it will ‘ be ‘ where you put it! ” He asks me for something he has lost – at least half a dozen times a day – argghhhhh! Now if I was able to ignore his pleading I would – but I can’t.. So, if ya hear of a white haired lady aged 60 but looks more like 80 upending her house muttering under her breath – where the blazes is it ? you will definitely know who is being spoken about….. The last two pairs of glasses he got from the Optician were lost to him within 2 weeks of him getting them, he now uses these silly magnifying glasses folk can buy in the Pound shops, if he loses them – too bad – he now has a collection of this type of specs (4 pairs to be exact)….. If there was a contest for the person who loses most Rob would win it – hands down ! arghhh
    I’ve come to the conclusion that it must be a male thing !

  17. Kate : Welcome !, i think it must be in the genes .. we hunt, kill, provide and lose… we can do nothing about it, luckily Mrs m is a ‘Monica’ of this world, and looks after everything, i just hunt and provide …… well, do the shopping anyway !

  18. DBM: It’s a 2500km drive from here to Vancouver. I won’t be there any time soon. Can you save some for me? 🙂

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