Posted by: Moon | July 16, 2008

Boli – Slovakian for “F**k that hurts” !!!


So what have you broken,injured, damaged…… here’s my list :

Right ankle – Football, final training session before a cup final.. I was on fire as well ! (6 weeks in plaster, crutches)

Left Ankle – again football, another blood and guts tackle.. anyone that has ever played with me, or indeed against me will know I never had much skill, but I would never lose a tackle ..(another six weeks in plaster, crutches)

Right hand – Ben kicked me whilst we were at work in the laboratories !, We had to create a story that the door shut on my hand.. cost Wellcome a fortune to re-design that door, I am sure I could have sued them in this current day !, (8 weeks in plaster).

Cartilage in left knee 3 times – 1st time whilst warming up for football !, doing all the right things, then ‘ping’, Cartilage splits … stretchered off before we started, 2nd time, Trekking in Morocco (with broken hand, see above), the cartilage split, leaving me 10 days on a mule !.. that’s another blog ! (5 weeks on crutches each time !)

Wedding finger – Cricket, I cannot remove my wedding ring, that will please Mrs M, see, we catch a cricket ball, which is far harder than a baseball in our hands, no need for a girlie glove, we are real men !… but you have to learn to catch correctly, one error, and you can easy break a finger …( still hurts now!)

Collar Bone – When I was six months… don’t remember much !

bone in right foot, too many bones to know what is what down there – again, footie … probably kicking a young lad called Nathan who played for Northchurch, I was playing for arch rivals Albury .. He was pretty quick, so I just kicked him off the park ! (6 weeks in plaster)

Cartilage in Right knee – just wear and tear from to much sport (6 weeks on crutches)

Osteoarthritis in my right hip, lovely Shark bite scar from the op – again, not been blessed with a great bone structure, if you want to see my gash, please just ask ! (2 Months on crutches)

4 times stitches in the head, – like most young lads I’m sure, falling off bikes, chairs etc ..

Smashed lip and chin – cricket ball, the ball nudged off it’s line by my great friend Chewy, missed my catching hands, BINGO !, re-arranged my lip and chin on it’s way to the boundary !!! never left the field though, I was never going to give up the chance to captain us to our first league trophy !

nose – again a cricket ball !


Having read this, I am thinking that it was time to give up cricket, and it certainly was, after 25 seasons at my spiritual home, Nortchurch Cricket Club, the injuries were irrelevant compared to the hundreds of games I have played there,  to follow my Grandfather,and then to play in the same side as Uncle, Cousins A, IJF, and my brother, formidable. side we were then… I will post another day on this wonderful cricket club… I promise …


So tell me, what the worst you have done ?


  1. OMG, it’s a wonder you’re still alive to tell the tales. Oh, and knowing where you are and where you came from, just confirming that the “football” is what North Americans call “soccer?”
    Sorry to disappoint you, but I have no tales of broken bones. Nada. But my brother once ran into a parked car while riding his bicycle as a kid and ended up with, I think, nine stitches on his you-know-what. Ouch! He just got married last summer, and has a kid, so I’m guessing all is well down under.
    As for you Moon, I’m guessing by the photograph you chose for your blog, that you recently got married…Am I right? Beautiful pic BTW.

  2. I think you’ve spent a quarter of your life in plaster, must be a hell of a great cricket club.Good conversation starter, and whats this scar from, and this one? I would take the shark bite scar, much better story than osteo.

  3. Oh, and I’m taking you up on your offer. Yup, I wan to see your gash! Pictures please!

  4. I once broke one of Mum’s Green Wheat Denby bowls – does that count?

  5. Yukon : Yes, Football is ‘soccer’, but as we invented it, and we use our feet.. we’ll stick to Football thanks !, yes also to the marriage bit, another blog for another day, but we got wed at the top of Grouse Mountaing in Vancouver ! Also, 9 stitches on the old fella ….ooooh ! nasty !

    June : I would stick to the story of the Great White, fighting it off to live to tell the tale, but DBM knows better !

    DBM : Your ankle under a horse drawn caravan springs to mine … bet you blamed the bowl on me !

    to you both, we will see about the ‘shark Scar’… not sure I want to show the world my arse !

  6. You seem to be much more adept at causing yourself grievous bodily injury than I, but I will share a few of my mishaps with you.

    Like Yukon Chatterbugs brother, I drove my bike into a parked car, and though I did not require stitches, it had a profound effect on my “bird watching”. I was 7 at the time. Recovered now.

    I had two dislocated knees, due to a low block from a somewhat visually challenged halfback in a football (Canadian football) game. Had my feet planted at the time. Hurt like hell my friend.

    Had a hockey skate enter through the eyehole of my mask (I played goalie) one game and got stitches. Must have been amusing to the hospital staff, seeing someone lying on a stretcher with bulky pads, skates and a goalie stick. I was taught to never let go of the stick. Still have it somewhere I think.

    Speaking of amusing to hospital staff, I once got numerous stitches in my left knee due to a drinking problem (I have solved this as I no longer walk when I drink). Walked through a plate glass door in an apartment and managed to peel the skin off my left knee. Got stitched up without any anasthesia – apparently they did not think I needed anything (apparently they were right).

    Got bent on a dive once, and spent 7 hours in a recompression chamber. That was not fun. Actually it did not hurt, but when I ordered a nice steak with a pint of bitter for my lunch, they passed some type of pasta through a rubber hose that looked alarmingly like something out of a movie dealing with Eboli. Consequently, I have committed to not getting bent again.

    Anyway, compared to the exotic injuries you have suffered, mine seem to pale in comparison.

    PS: (are these allowed on a blog??) I will tell you the story of how I once drove through the flower beds of a Canadian Forces Base with a bud in a TR6 (with the roof down, and adequate amounts of beer on board, of course), and how we were pursued by the Military Police and the RCMP. Another time, perhaps. These injuries need to be explained with a degree of circumpection (which is another injury I went through shortly after birth). Oh, another subject, for another time.


  7. The world certainly doesn’t want to see your arse, thank you very much and technically, I didn’t actually break my ankle, just squashed it quite badly. And now, everyone will want to know how on earth one can be run over by a horse drawn caravan travelling at less than 5 mph.

  8. Good Lord Cortes….. We need a round of golf to discuss ….. played today BTW, back to 18 again !

    you can say what you like on the blog, no-one knows who you are … yet …….

  9. Moon

    We will play golf again. Soon I hope. I look forward to the 19th hole.


    Is you mole the result of the squashed ankle? Which foot? Had a close friend fall down a set of stairs once, broke her ankle (actually turned right round the wrong way!) Had to crawl across the floor to the door, as the EMS responders would not break down the door. Good thing she did not faint before releasing the latch.

    I think the staircase was moving at a slower pace than the caravan. Must have something to do with age.

  10. Thanks DBM, my thoughts exactly. I just thought I’d call him up on the offer. Ya know, ya gotta watch what you say when a bunch of nuts are reading your blog. hee hee hee (Okay, okay, I speak for myself).
    Oh, and I can’t wait to read your post about he horse-drawn caravan.

  11. Walked into a circle of peeps in a club way back with a twat trying to break dance – he hoisted himself off the floor at the opportune moment to back of his head butt me and break my nose. I got thrown out for causing a fight?

    I prefer pubs these days – at least they head butt you face to face!

  12. Yikes .. that’s a catalogue of disaster, and no mistake! ROFL! You, too, Cortes, and I want to know why you don’t have a blog, by the way!

    DBM, getting run over by a horse-drawn caravan is just exactly the sort of thing I’d do – details, woman!

    Me? I’ve never broken a single bone – although I was suspicious that I’d broken one of my smaller toes once, stubbing it on the bed in the dark. ‘ F**k! That hurt!’ is about right! It did go black, so maybe.

    I specialise in ligament injuries, specifically the ankles, which I have damaged so many times I lost count, starting with a hockey match at school. These days I can tear ankle ligaments walking across carpet barefoot, if I don’t keep up the physio exercises. Oh, and I have damaged disc/joint – the very top one in my neck (can you say ‘migraine’?) which I did carrying my toddler on my shoulders. Women, don’t do this! You have been warned!!

    Various cuts and bruises, of course, including burns on my forearm which look as if I’ve tried to slash my wrist, a dog-bite on my cheek/chin, and the latest, my ‘drinking accident’, a nicely curved scar near my left eye.

  13. I have been quite lucky, but with three brothers the roll call of accidents is long and ugly.

    Brother fell on a barbed wire fence under his armpit.
    Me and brother disturbed wasp nest, 15-20 stings each.
    Brother suffered neck injury playing rugby, numbness and tingling in arm for 6 weeks, end of career.
    I walked into my grandfathers backswing with a golf club, had a little nap after that!
    I caught a baseball bat with my face when a student let go of it, accidentally I think.
    Split my head diving into a swimming pool, shallow end, duh!!
    Brother top-edged fast bowler into mouth, 8 stitches and liquid diet!
    Brother trod on fork in garden, nice hole in foot.
    Brother snapped Achilles tendon taking catch in cricket, got up and immediately fell over!
    Brother damaged ankle diving into river, had to have skin graft, which got infected in hospital where you find the nastiest bugs.
    Numerous falls off horses and motorbikes.
    Me with concussions 6 times during rugby days, explains a lot!
    Brother pulled skinning knife out of my hand, sliced to bone on little finger.
    My son in ‘A&E’ 4 times before his 7th birthday.
    Me jumping over fence, slipping and ending up hanging from fence on barbed wire by inside of my thigh, OUCH!!!!
    The best is my youngest brother running into the house of a friend one evening crying, ‘Jeff shot me!’, Jeff being his older brother! He had shot him, but he is still around to tell the tale as the bullet hit the drill he was using to bore a hole in our friend’s verandah and shattered. He only got shrapnel from the bullet.
    One lucky escape by younger brother with a brown snake. He trod on it twice and did not get bitten!

    Sure there are more, but it’s not a bad record for 4 boys. This was fun, lots of gory memories.

  14. Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaoooooooooooouuuccchh!!

    I feel your pain!

    I broke both wrists at the bottom of a scrum once. I screeched my head off until the enormous bint (whose Dad was from Samoa, by the way) got off me, then promptly fainted!

    I was a very good girl at the convent where I went to school but was Demerited once for ‘Unsportswomanlike Conduct’ for chasing the same enormous bint across the playing fields with a Camóg! I cornered her and bate the bum off her with the Camóg for hacking the legs from under me on the field.

    She’s a PE Teacher now! Ouch! :O

  15. PS – A Camóg is the feminine version of the larger Camán or ‘Hurley Stick’ used in the game of Hurling. The girls game is called Camogie and the word reflects it’s diminutive status.

    Class over kids!

    Seriously, the way we wrap our kids in cotton wool, you’d thing we never went careering down hills with no brakes on the bike just for the craic!

    (Christ! Hope my son doesn’t read this…)

  16. Shattered left collar bone at 9, sliding down bannisters, fell.

    Got a haematoma in my left leg falling off a horse. Muscle spasmed so hard it pulled itself off the bone at the hip (so don’t talk to me about contractions).

    Broke right collarbone at 19, cycled into a car.

    Rib (right hand side) skiing in Davos, hit a bump, flew through the air and landed on one of the poles.

  17. Surprised EM hasn’t been on here with the accident log book for #2.
    He sounds like he is following in uncle Moon’s footsteps 😉

    I have to confess that apart from being hit by a car on a zebra crossing at 16, (no broken bones or blood and gore just a egg-sized lump on the back of my head) I have led a very sheltered life 😀

  18. My God people no wonder you’re all sitting in front of your computers, none of you are, or deserve to be mobile!

    Few stitches on my knee from a childhood accident . . .

    Had my tonsils out at 21 (duh . .big deal but I had unholy earache, like some bug eating my brain!)

    Had two babies (Thrifty don’t be one!) You try pushing out a watermelon through a 10cm hole!

    Dislocated my elbow and broke my forearm getting out of a canoe on the Namoamoa river in Fiji (beat that sooky la-la’s) Suffered for a week before getting back home and diagnosed properly and being put into a cast.

    Broke my toe a couple of months ago, tripping into my grannie’s 1920’s sewing machine which now acts as a door stop . .and yes . . . alcohol was involved and yes it fucking hurt more than a hysterectomy!

    Biggest coup . . .totally neutered last November but home after 2.5 days in the hospital . . .

    Made of tough stuff we Aussies! Well until we get a cold.

    Now where’s my prize?

  19. @Baino: In fairness I only referred to contractions. My missus had the worst deal ever, two instances of long labour followed by ceasars. Ick. Hence she was well on board with my snippy snippy (should I have included that in my list?)

  20. Good God, you lots are sick !!!!!!

  21. Neutered Baino?

    Tell me I read that wrong…

    Bleugh! 😛

  22. Jen : May i never EVER mess with you ??

    Now, Childbirth, something I would love to experience and share you pain, sadly, I cannot !… also, it can’t be that bad, after all you all keep doing it !

    I can’t believe how some of you have managed to make it to my blog, talk about accident prone, from barb wire fences, being shot !, ligaments … jeezzz, all nasty stuff !!!!

    Thrifty : Not sure I like the sound of that snip ….. nasty …

    Biano ” Elbow .. ouch .. and as for the broken toe … my first wife Ellie, she passed out in the pain of breaking her toe …

    and, for those of you that say “I’ve never broken anything except wind ” .. don’t .. you don’t whats around the corner.. I said it once …… !!!

  23. Moon: Bitch had it comin’…

    I was birthing partner to my sister last September. She had NO pain relief and, half an hour after giving birth to my Gorgeous niece (8lb4oz), trotted (yes, I said TROTTED) off to have a shower. She’s a 5’4” Woman Of Iron and refers to anyone who says it hurt as ‘Pussies’.

    I can confirm that it actually hurts like All Bloody Hell…

  24. Please …. give it up….. why do you all keep doing it then… if it hurt that much, you would shoot any man that came near you with a glint in his eye !!!

    Get over it and stop moaning ….

    (you don’t have my address do you Jen ??)

  25. I can always get it off EM (insert evil laugh here)


  26. Somebody mention my name? 😯

    I am, naturally for one so perfect, completely unscathed. Well, apart from my nethers following childbirth and I’m not going into that here.

    And yes, TM, #2’s list of hospital visits is long and dramatic:

    Suffered blue fits as a child which meant that he stopped breathing all the time (and nearly condemned my poor mother to the same fate – she took WEEKS to recover every time)

    Stitches to eyebrow after nutting the fireplace

    Stitches to chin after trying to bmx the skateboard ramp in the rec (not a good idea)

    Reconstructive facial surgery to lip after falling off bike into Ma’s roses

    Surgery to ear after stuffing a peppercorn in there (no, really)

    Stitches after some silly bitch dropped a great rock on his head at school

    Massive egg on head after falling 5′ out of a tree….

    I just lock him in a cupboard now…

  27. PS (and yes, Cortes, you’re allowed) Baino SO wins this competition.

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